One night when I was around 11 years old my parents were going out for the night. They hired my usual babysitter, a beautiful high school girl who was tan, tall, and had always been very dominating. Her name was Meghan and she had been my babysitter for a year. This night she made my little brother go to bed and said I could stay up with her for a while if I was good to her. I said ok and sat with her while we watched a movie. She gave me a blanket to share and we curl up next to each other under the blanket. When the movie ended she started flipping through the channels and asked what you want to watch. As she reached the porn channels she said, oh I think I know what you want to watch ha-ha. I was so embarrassed, but was even more embarrassed when she actually put one on. She asked if I was into this stuff yet and I felt her hand on my knee.

I had been just getting into sex and had only recently started masturbating but I was still confused as to what was right and wrong. I had no idea how I should feel. I was so stiff it felt like it couldn’t be moved at all and I wanted to relieve myself, but I also felt embarrassed that she would tell my parents or think I was weird for being hard or a perve for wanting it so bad.

As we watched the screen, she slowly moved her hand up my leg towards my thigh, and then slowly, she moved her hand back down my leg. Up and down up and down. Very slowly. Getting a little higher each time. As a blowjob scene came on, she asked bet you wish that was you right now. Then she giggle, and grabbed my cock, slipping her hand under my shorts. She just held it for a while, and I kept all my concentration on not cumming. I still didn’t know if it was normal to ejaculate. She didn’t say anything, just giggled every time my rock hard dick twitched uncontrollably. After a while she let go, pulled the blanket off of me revealing my boner. I tried to cover up but she said no no in a sing song voice and I let go, succumbing to my needs. She pulled my hand to the side and took my cock and put it in her mouth and began to lick and suck my cock. It felt so amazing I just gave up instantly. She did this for about 10 seconds which felt like forever before she stopped, just as I was about to cum. She said, I have always wanted to take an innocent boys innocence and then she giggled. She grabbed my dick, pulled it forward, and then let it drop with a thud on my stomach. She giggled again then started tracing circles around my head and just under the head with her finger very delicately. My cock kept twitching and I kept feeling close to orgasm, especially when shed giggle, but she would stop so often I couldn’t cum. At this point I really just wanted release even if it wasn’t right. Finally she grabbed my cock and started jerking with thumb and pointer finger very fast and I couldn’t keep it in, I came everywhere while she giggled.

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When people start to talk about their childhoods, I just sit back and listen. I never tell stories about my past and what it was like for me growing up. When people ask I just say that I have a poor memory and that I can’t remember much. But the honest truth is I don’t want to remember. I have tried so hard to not remember things from my past but it doesn’t seem to work. I close my eyes and it all comes rushing back to me. At one point I told myself that I was just remembering things from a movie that it didn’t really happen to me but for some reason that hasn’t worked. I can remember everything so clearly it haunts me. I know that lay out of the room. Where the couch was, where the lazy boy chair sat, and where he was sitting when it happened. I was only 5 at the time and I am not sure why but my mom left me home alone with my sister’s boyfriend. I remember he was sitting on the chair and calling me into the living room. He asked me if I wanted to have a drink. I asked him what kind of drink and he said that it would be sweet and white like milk. All I would have to do is suck on his friend and the drink would come out. I have never told anyone this before. I have never told my mom as I know that it would kill her. I have kept it my little secret for years as I felt that no one would believe me. To this day I will not tell as I am sure it would hurt someone if I did.

Since I was a little girl I have always been the good girl. I secretly wish that this tag was never stuck on my small little back. From those early days I have done nothing but please other people, live up to their expectations and do my best to be the “good” daughter. It has honestly made me regret being the first born. It is true most parents expect their first born to live up to unattainable goals. My parents never imposed unrealistic career goals, or superstar of a sports team. Yet here I was the “good” daughter. Never breaking the rules. Never staying out past curfew. Never drinking or doing drugs. Never letting them down. My sister on the other hand has done all of this. She has lived how she wants to. She has tried most everything, broke most rules and lived to experience the other side. The side I never ventured. I have secrets, grown up secrets that of course I could never share. Still to this day my sister calls me “goodie goodie”. Not giving citizen, supportive sister, fantastic mother, virtuous daughter or helpful friend. No it is “goodie goodie”. A name I despise. A name that does not do justice to all the sacrifices I have made over the years to be the “bigger” person as my parents would say when she was not getitng her way. So what is my secret? I love my sister, well that is no secret I kind of have to. My secret is that sometimes I wish I could be her, to be the one to get away with everything. To be the one that does not have to calm the storms but makes them. The one that does the best she can, and does not have to be the BEST!

I am a 23 year old girl from Surrey, and have done many things I am not proud of. One thing that always bothers me is engaging in sexual acts with my stepsister when I was 16. She is also the same age as me and as teenage hormone filled girls, we have always talked about sex, fantasies, boys and what not. We acted on many of our fantasies like acting out stuff like rape scenes, bondage, hooking up with strangers as threesome. We both masturbated and gave each other handjobs. I don’t know why we did it. I think we learned most of this stuff from her father, because he molested us both when we were kids. We had to complain at the school about it because our parents didn’t listen. Now we’re all separated and I am just starting to realize how wrong and messed-up my relationship with my stepsister was. I believe in God, and I’m afraid he will send me to hell. I worry that I won’t be forgiven, and I feel so horrible about it because the whole time we did it I knew it was wrong.

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I am 25 and I get scared sleeping alone. When I had my own apartment it got so bad I had to put my bed into the living room. I’d sleep with a knife by my bed and wake up at night staring at the door sweating.