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Archive for the ‘Regret’ Category

I regret I was an escort for six months

Friday, December 26th, 2014

I am 23 years old living in Portland, Oregon. I was an escort at 18 making 500-1500 a day depending on the time and what the client wanted. I only did it for 6 months but those 6 months were the lowest point of my life. I was kicked out of my house with no money, no places to live. I was desperate to get myself together and survive the real world. So I became an escort. I heard from my friends how escort lifestyle was fun and glamorous, but I had no idea how much I was hurting myself. I would get drunk or high before any “date” and would silently cry during the dirty deed. I would only think about the money. I hated how addicting the money was, but I just kept giving myself away to these dirty men who didn’t understand and didn’t care about what I me. I still cannot forgive myself for those few months of escorting and I don’t think I ever will. I regret everything about being an escort. I’m with my boyfriend now of 2 years and he has no idea what I’ve done and I could never tell him. What hurts me the most is how amazing he is and how much he loves me and how perfect he thinks I am. I completely disrespected myself and my body. I feel dirty all the time. I wish I was not an escort.

Wish I was not an escort

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

I am 22 years old, and escorting to pay for my university and expenses. I started when I was 18, after my parents got divorced. My dad and I moved to Reno, Nevada from California. I stayed with him but he didn’t do anything to provide for me. I attended the University of Nevada. It was expensive. I had to find a way to survive. I lie to my boyfriend and people around me by saying that my parents give me monthly allowance but little did they knew that I am an escort! I throw tantrums and get angry on days I have to satisfy clients and my boyfriend thinks t that happens because I am a spoiled – selfish brat. My issues surface especially when I drink and I get depressed. Then I get violent. I don’t want sympathy from him or anyone, just understanding but I can never reveal this to him or confess to anyone about my secrets. I just want a normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship with him with no lies. I dont think the relationship would last if I confess to my secret to my boyfriend. Who wants an escort to be their girlfriend? I want to share this secret and take this burden off my chest. After all, tomorrow will still come and I can’t face my clients with teary eyes. This is my first step of working towards accepting me and being happy. I wish I had other ways to provide for myself other than being an escort.

Regret not marrying you

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Katherine – everyday I regret that I didn’t say “yes” to you when you asked me to marry you. I think of you every day and you occupy most of my day – or at least a very large part of it. It’s far too late now.

I regret that I walked out of the house and never turned around again. You are the most beautiful woman that has ever walked the Earth and every woman I see can not measure up to you in any facet. All the women on Earth combined do not amount to even half of you. I love you. I miss you very much.

My life is nothing without you. You were my reason for living and now I am dead because I walked away and because I said “no”. There are very few things I ever regret doing. This ranks at the very top. No matter how many other women I have met, I compare each and every one of them to you and they can never measure up. If by chance you should ever read this – wherever you are, be assured that I never stopped loving you. I never will.

I wish you the best – wherever you are. My life is messed because I didn’t commit to you. 20 years later – you are the only woman who is on my mind – all the time and no amount of drugs or alcohol or work or anything else can take it away. If I had a chance to do it all over – I would not walk away. I would have stayed – as hard as it was. I would have stayed. I’ve created my own hell by simply not being with you – because I was insecure about what I can offer you.

You offered me everything and now I have nothing. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and how beautiful you were. I will never smile again. There is a permanent disdain look in my face because of my decision and I hate it. I regret that I couldn’t be the one you needed when you needed me.

With love always.

Vic

Couples swinging experience that we regret

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

We live in California and this past weekend my girlfriend and I ended up fooling around with another couple that we met on Ashley Madison affair site. Aftermath of reality is not going well for us. We didn’t expect it to be so hard to take. The fantasy of seeing my girlfriend sexually involved with another guy seemed hot at first and then reality set in. We both had to stop when we were doing the deed with this other couple. I don’t think this is going to hurt our love for one another in the long run (well, I hope not) but we know now the difference between the fantasy and the reality. She is really having a hard time believing what she tried to do and her morals are not strong enough for this type of lifestyle. I am trying to blame it on the drinking because it was was a big part and influence of this encounter that day. My advice all those who are trying out this swinging lifestyle, take one step at a time. Meet your potential match at a bar, flirt, then go from there. We thought we were swingers and ready for this lifestyle but we learned the hard way that we are not.

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I regret I was an escort!

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

I am 21 year old female now living in Vancouver. I was an escort at 18 when I was in Prince George and then moved to Nanaimo making 600-1000 a day. I only did it for 8 months but those eight months were the lowest, most depressing 8 months of my life. I was kicked out of my house, thrown out into the real world with no money, just desperate to get myself together. My step mom and dad both threw me out just before Christmas and it was cold and I was totally broken. I considered stripping, but I was stage-shy and the places in Prince George were not classy for stripping. Then I decided that escorting would be more private and more money. I had no idea how much I was hurting myself or how I was ruining my future. I would get drunk or high before any “date” and would silently cry during the dirty deed. I was not associated with any agencies in town like thekaliproject or blackorchid. I would use Craigslist to find people. I have been with married guys, single guys or guys who just wanted to get off. I have been with old, young, middle-aged guys too. Most of the encounters happened in cars or in a motel room. I realized within few days I would be regretting it, but the money would temporarily cheer me up, until I would have to do it again.

At the time I didn’t feel anything but now I realize I hated how addicting the money was, but I just kept giving myself away to these dirty men who didn’t understand and didn’t care about what I was going through.  I then moved to Nanaimo for a change of scenery. But it was same old same old. I found older guys, married guys, and younger guys looking to get off quickly by using me at their convenience. I know I put myself in the position, but I was just young and careless. If I knew how it was going to affect me psychologically and emotionally, and that it was going to eventually leave me with STD, of course I wouldn’t have done it. I completely disrespected myself, my body. I feel dirty no matter how many times I shower. I can never forget what I did and I can really never forgive myself.

This is my story. I hope before you chose this life style please think. Times can be tough at times but be true to yourself.