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Cheated On My Husband With A Woman

I am a married woman living in Prince George British Columbia. I have been with my husband a good few years as common law, but only married for a short while.

When we first got together, our sexual chemistry was on fire, full of passion and all its rawness! We even lived an alternative life style, me being Bi …. so he loved it and we played around a bit with that. At first it was fun, and it was erotic and wild between us, but then it began to change, for me it seemed we could not have sex without having a women there, miss the one on one with us, or if we did, the topic of the other woman would always come up, it was a fun play thing, and then it became a need. We used to slip away to our favorite  little place and do our play time, but then there were times I just wanted to be all alone with him, he said he was fine with that, but I know inside he was disappointed we did not have another woman there. Finally I told him I did not want to do it anymore. The other woman with us, well it seemed after that everything stopped, our sex life declined to almost a halt. He was angry at me said I broke “the deal.” I do not recall ever there was a “deal” in me being by and us doing an alternative life style, it was to be a fun thing we did ….but the fun went away, the girl would get more than I would, so it was not fun anymore.

Our sex life declined to the point where we barely had sex, and if we did, it just was not the same. For months he made me feel unwanted, unattractive, alone, depressed. He used to make me feel like a woman, and he hadn’t in a long time. Then I suspected him cheating on me with other women, escorts, sexy women. I felt so inadequate to him, that I was no longer enough for him and could not ever meet his sexual needs. I felt so down and unattractive, he did not really want me that way, and I do not think he ever looked at me that way.

So after months and months of feeling like this, and our sex life getting worse….again found out he was on so many different escort sites while he worked out of town. I accused him of cheating. He would deny it, but yet behavior screamed different. Well, then I met a woman through a dating site, she was to be for us, but instead, I slept with her. She made me feel alive again after feeling so dead, so unwanted and undesired like I had been with my husband. I cheated on my husband with another woman, and it is now tearing me apart!!

He came home again the other day (and just left again) for a good week or so, I could not look him in the eye, knowing that he has cheated, and I know he has, but could not act right around him, moody.  We tried to have sex, and oh my god, could not get into it. I lost it with him, because of the guilt of cheating on him with a woman. I have never, ever cheated on any partners, so this is the first for me.  Never thought I would under any conditions, so this is tearing me up big time. I am going to confess to him what I did so he knows what was wrong with me when he was home, and I know this will end our marriage for sure, the consequences I will have to face….very torn up about this!

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