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Lied to my husband saying I wanted children

I met my husband after I had an affair on Ashley Madison and cheated on my then boyfriend. I left my boyfriend in Prince Rupert and moved in with this guy in Victoria and eventually we got married. Before getting married both husband and I decided we wanted kids. We had dreams and chatted a lot about it. A few months after our wedding, I told my husband that I was ready to start a family, but he asked me to wait a few more years, as he was going to school and had yet to start a career. I was 3 years older than him. I was very disappointed when he asked to wait, and few months later I told him that I couldn’t wait, that I wanted to have a baby now. He asked me to wait few more years! I had no choice as I didn’t want to “force” him into this. For two years, I thought about it deeply and seriously, and decided that I didn’t want kids after all. I told him that I was never going to have kids that I had changed my mind, and he was totally shocked He didn’t expect this from me. We, of course, had a fight over it. He says that I have misled him and he wouldn’t have married me if I had told him that I never wanted children. We still stayed together because of our love for each other. He finished his school, found a great career, and he is ready to have a family, but not me. We are not fighting all the time about starting a family. I’m getting close to 40 and I still have not changed my mind. For some reasons, I am very happy about my decision. I should feel bad that I lied to get married to him but still I don’t feel bad.

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