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Not sure want to be married anymore, want to be an escort

I am an older woman…but still holding the sharp looks and body for my age. I am married, have been for the last 5 years. But not really happy in the marriage. It is a complicated mess. We went through a rough patch a while. The intimacy stopped, so I thought he was cheating. Saw him on tons of escort and sex sites, and what not…with our intimacy issues for sure thought he was cheating, so I crossed my own line with a woman. Did not do her all the way, but close enough. I felt so dead, unwanted in my marriage, not touched the way I craved, my husband is an exceptional lover, but do not think he is enough for me. We have done the threesomes, as I am a Bi female as well….but it was fun at first, then it was not fun anymore, he would do things to her that he does not do with me, it became uncomfortable, and then such a need in the relationship.

So I told him I did not want to do it any more, the threesomes, even though I loved them, the rush of it all, but he was not really being equal in them, she would get all the attention, and I barely got touched…so we quit, and it was like he was punishing me for that….said I broke the deal…there was no deal made here, he loved the fact that I was Bi, said he always wanted a GF/ Wife like that, but there was no deal made here, so he was angry and disappointed, he gives them all the attention, and not me, kind of bored doing me for the last 5 years, and now something new what was happening, so it made me uncomfortable…and that is when everything changed, our sex like dropped, big time, we barely had sex….he blamed it on stress, not in the mood, the list goes on……

I confessed to him what I had did, crossed the line with a woman, he was (and still is) angry with me, said I hurt his man pride and esteem doing that….I actually went there to meet her not to sleep with her, but for us, thought maybe it would pull us back together, but it has not, and well things happened….I was torn about it, never cheated on any partner before, or done anything like that….but in his anger, he did not care to hear what it has done to me, it tore me bad he was hurt over as well….never wanted to hurt him!!

Our relationship is a hard one, he is very, very emotionally disconnected, old school, where the woman stands behind, and he supports her, well I do not like standing behind, wanted to be right beside him, yes he does work hard and make a lot of sacrifices indeed, but I always have to go to him for money, being my current job is lousy, only a few days to a full pay period, but he gets so angry with me, and it is tearing us apart…….

I am not sure I want the marriage any more, half of me does, the other half does not. I want my own money and bank account and not have to rely on him all the time, I am not getting enough out of him sexually, we do the same stuff over and over, want more, but he cannot give it, I am sexually restless, and not sure why, never been like this before, He has done all these wild and crazy sexual things with ex-girlfriends and escorts that he has been with…but will not do them with me, we do the same positions over and over, I want more sex, wilder, want to feel alive again, I just feel like an empty shell here, There are too many issues with the marriage to list. I am thinking about leaving and just being on my own, I have thought about becoming an escort, to have extra money, and have what I want sexually, feel very selfish saying all these things, but it is tearing me inside to continue the way I am…very confused right now. I have my own bills to pay off, and they are not getting done. My husband carries the heavy front of the house hold bills, so things are tight after he does that, so he does not have a lot extra money to give to me if I need something, so I want to make my own money, not sure what I am going to do….my head is full of confusion!!

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One Response to “Not sure want to be married anymore, want to be an escort”

  1. Melissa Marie Says:

    just an update on this situation so many months later, our marriage has declined even worse, our sex life we do not have one!! he works out of town a lot, only home for a few days, half the time he rejects me sexually, if we do have sex, it is just eough for him to get off! what an isult. We has recently is still out of town, well he went to a strip bar, and got all hmmered up with the boys, well through out the night, he called, so hammered i could barely hear him, he told me where he was in a strip bar (not wearing his wedding band!!) and he got these panties off this stripper for a joke, could hear her in the back ground, and laughed and said blow job is not cheating? really? well that is fine!!so i do nt believe he did n tfuck this little whore he got the panties off of i am sure he took them off of her alright!! he has to be the man of all man to women, so here he is in a bar hammered and took panties off a slut stripper…okay, if i had done that with my girlfriends when we went to see the male strippers, scooped pair of their boxers, okay g-string….i would be the biggest slut and whore around, he would be furious!! but it is okay for him to do?!!!!!! oh fucking double standards here!! so the next time the girls want to go and see the hunky male strippers, hell yeah i am going!! have not seen a half naked man in so so damn long!! husband will not fucking touch me!! and have been thinking about having an affair of my own….but feel bad for thinking that ( i know he fucks out of town!!) i have never cheated on anyone before, my husband was my sexy hot guy for the longest time, but we are so far apart, and no intimacy in our marriage what so ever, he will not even look at me!! i am getting bored of getting myself off, miss the hum contact…okay…miss getting the shit fucked out of me, miss seing a hard cock!! just miss getting fuck…confuded!!

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