Katherine – everyday I regret that I didn’t say “yes” to you when you asked me to marry you. I think of you every day and you occupy most of my day – or at least a very large part of it. It’s far too late now.

I regret that I walked out of the house and never turned around again. You are the most beautiful woman that has ever walked the Earth and every woman I see can not measure up to you in any facet. All the women on Earth combined do not amount to even half of you. I love you. I miss you very much.

My life is nothing without you. You were my reason for living and now I am dead because I walked away and because I said “no”. There are very few things I ever regret doing. This ranks at the very top. No matter how many other women I have met, I compare each and every one of them to you and they can never measure up. If by chance you should ever read this – wherever you are, be assured that I never stopped loving you. I never will.

I wish you the best – wherever you are. My life is messed because I didn’t commit to you. 20 years later – you are the only woman who is on my mind – all the time and no amount of drugs or alcohol or work or anything else can take it away. If I had a chance to do it all over – I would not walk away. I would have stayed – as hard as it was. I would have stayed. I’ve created my own hell by simply not being with you – because I was insecure about what I can offer you.

You offered me everything and now I have nothing. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and how beautiful you were. I will never smile again. There is a permanent disdain look in my face because of my decision and I hate it. I regret that I couldn’t be the one you needed when you needed me.

With love always.

Vic

I am married with 5 kids and travel a lot in my line of work. Sometimes when I was bored in my hotel room I would surf for porn, but I soon found that wasn’t enough and I started downloading porn on my work laptop. Finally, one day, I searched for escorts in the US city I was in. I was stunned by what I found: beautiful women just a short drive or short wait away. But, it was weeks before I called one.

I called and hung up so many times. Eventually, I settled on a cute young blonde not too far from where I was staying. I was incredibly nervous as I drove over. When I finally got up the nerve, I knocked on the door of her hotel and my first date began. The urge to flee stayed with me through foreplay and even the intercourse itself. As expected, once I finished, I was remorseful and I became very depressed.

The next week, still feeling badly, I drove to the rough part of town where my kind wasn’t welcome. I entered a bar, was a bit obnoxious and found myself in a fight with 3 guys. It felt good to get my ass kicked, it felt like I was being punished for hiring an escort, like I was receiving what I deserved.

A few weeks later, after my bruises had healed, I had the initial impulse again. This time I found a young, black girl who looked like Halley Berry. She was incredibly beautiful, but I was spooked by the fact that she took too long to get a room. I hid and followed her after she finally left. I followed her for more than an hour until she pulled into an apartment complex well away of where I should have been. I went back to my hotel without doing anything. I was very fearful that I may have been spotted I sold my car the next weekend and bought a new car that looked nothing like the old one.

Pretty soon I was seeing a girl a week and I was getting more and more comfortable with each encounter. I was spending $300 a week to have sex with strangers. Now, four years later I look back at a ridiculous trail of lies and betrayals. I’ve been with girls in Toronto, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Chicago, Columbus, Cincinnati, Philadelphia, Dallas, Houston, DC, New Jersey, New York, Hartford, and Atlanta. I’ve had sex with mostly white blondes with large breasts, but there have also been Black girls; French, Korean, Chinese, Russian, Czech, Polish, and German girls; Italian, English, Spanish, Brazilian, Norwegian, Swedish, Irish, and Indian girls; Costa Rican, Canadian, and American girls and I’m sure a few others.

The type of girl depended on my mood. I had girls of all shapes and sizes. Usually I prefer a woman with 36-38 C-D – anything much bigger and I’m not interested. But I sometimes like a nice A or B. Oddly, I’m rougher with the smaller ones. In terms of age I’ve been with escorts as young as 18 and as old as 45, but women between 22 and 26.

So, after 4 years, I’ve slept with between 100 and 150 women but with the last 20, I haven’t been able to complete the job. For all of this, I spend roughly $45,000. Nobody knows or suspects. It is just me and now, all of you.

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• i\ve slept with 100 escorts

For a while now I am obsessed that my husband will leave me. We have been married for over 2 years now and he has never given me any reasons to feel this way. Actually on the contrary, he loves me deeply, is very caring, respectful, and all around a good man. So I have no idea where my fear comes from, other than the fact that he is totally awesome, good looking, and women flirt with him all the time. I’m on the other hand is very plain. I don’t like to put any makeup on or dress up. We live in Ontario and there are many cougar type women. So I think that one day he’ll wake up and get tired of me and leave me. I really don’t know how to get rid of this fear. I want to keep my husband and I don’t want him to divorce me or be without me even for a moment. I’m afraid he might end up noticing and realizing that he can do so much better than me.

I have NEVER been unfaithful to you in anyway…EVER!

BODY, MIND, and SOUL. I made a promise to you..to make your soul one with mine on the inside of our rings. I confess, I feel you needed a way out. But I’d never say that to your face in fear of hurting your feelings. Just like how you can’t actually say to my face that I’m not good enough. I left love to love you.

We built so much on sand..and you made promises to me you couldn’t keep. I confess not being with you has made me realize that there is a sadness so bad, you you try to kill it. Part of me is there..I know it is. But I hear “god”?…whatever that is out there..It’s getting louder and louder and makes me remember I can survive this horrible ravage on my heart…and yours.

babyboy
Bambam

I live in London, Ontario. I have held this secret for years. I am too afraid to reveal this to my family and friends I know I will be looked down upon if I told them or worse yet they may disown me. I come from a very conservative Christian family. If I come out of the closet I will bring shame on them. The only ones that understand how I feel are the ones who are out of the closet already. Sometimes I wonder why I am like this. Why can’t I just be normal or just not be so afraid about anything? I have been living a lie and its killing me! Only my boyfriend knows that I am gay.