When I first got my driving license in Calgary, I would drive all my friends around. One of my friends really wanted to hook up with any girl who would give in, but he wanted to use my car. So I let him use it. A psychotic girl in our school had been texting him, and he decided to pick her up. He was embarrassed that someone would find out, so he made her promise not to tell anyone. I waited in the trunk the whole time, so I could pop out at the last minute to see how she reacts. He convinced her to let him ejaculate onto her breasts and face. After he was done, I farted really loudly, and my friend had to pretend it was him. I never ended up popping out. We still talk about that incident and laugh.

My secret is I regret cheating on my husband. We met 6 years ago and I was still dealing with an ex boyfriend. That relationship was the first long term relationship I had. It was hard to deal with. I was vulnerable but it is no excuse to cheat on my husband with my ex. It will be 4 years of marriage in June. The sad thing about it is that I would always try to justify it by saying to myself that if my ex got his act together, I would leave my husband, I was vulnerable and I did it without knowing what I was doing. It was crazy for me because I never cheated on anyone before. We live in a small town of Prince George and it is scary small. Everyone seems to know everyone so if it indeed gets out in public that will be devastating for our friends and family. I was actually the one that got cheated on and I left the person who cheated as soon as I was able to. Every time the two men (my husband and ex) were in the same room I would be so neutral. Yes they are friends. As I said, Prince George is a small town and my ex now lives in Calgary. When he would come to town he would hang out with my husband for a beer or two. My husband felt a vibe in the room and he would ask me if everything was ok. Each time he asked I would deny anything wrong. Something told me that he knew but I was ignoring it fearing what he might do. I guess for me I never thought the relationship would last. He lives in another province in Alberta (Calgary) and travelled into town on the special occasions to meet his family. He talked about breaking up every two weeks over the text or phones and I would get so frustrated and I guess part of me felt like my behavior was warranted. My husband eventually found out through my sister. Well my husband immediately wanted a divorce, which I could understand. We are still married but the past year has been very difficult on both of us. His forgiveness is very hard to get but I know he still loves me. There are days when I feel like I am on trial and it can be so hard. I truly believe it’s his love that is keeping us together still. If it was me I would have left right away, but he is still with me. I wish I could take it all back or have never done anything like this to hurt him. I regret every bit of it now.

We are talking about renewing our vows.

I am from Calgary. I have so many secrets I don’t know where to being. I have so many that I don’t think I can ever confess them all or share with you all. But the one that bugs me the most is the fact that my parents only think they know who I am … when they really don’t know me at all. My parents don’t know that I was raped, and I will probably never tell them, because they don’t need to know, it was a long time ago. They don’t know that since the rape I never can trust guys any more. They don’t know that I am secretly having an affair with a married woman. My parents don’t know that I have stolen money from them. The sad part is that I live a lie every day. My whole life is a lie…and I wish it wasn’t. It is hard once you start living a lie. You simply can’t stop it.