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Sexless marriage in USA

I am a middle aged guy, in a sexless marriage, meaning a couple times a year. Wife has no sexual desire at all. I don’t blame her for that. After 14 years…it’s getting a bit frustrating. I hate masturbating…I want the real thing and I am one of those very adventuresome types…plenty of licking and sucking in every way possible…..what should I do?

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2 Responses to “Sexless marriage in USA”

  1. Coco Says:

    find out why she has no desire.

    what could you be doing differently? what could she be doing differently?

    Maybe therapy or a weekend sex workshop? Sex therapist may be helpful if she has sexual hang ups & doesn’t know how to talk to you about them. If you put it to her that you want to CONNECT with her via sex and you want to have sex WITH HER she’ll more easily be able to hear you. Also be honest. It’s not reasonable for you to ravage her without her say so but it’s equally unreasonable for you to be deprived of fucking your fabulous wife your whole life.

    Example:
    “I love you & I wouldn’t change anything about the past 14 years. The longer I’m with you the more I want to be with you, the closer I get the closer i want to get. You’re beautiful & you’re the woman I come home to every night & lately it’s been hard to keep the desire that I have for you to myself. I feel very hopeful about our future together & our future sex life. I want more than anything to please you, I wonder if you would be willing to join me on this journey exploring our relationship? {Take an opportunity to admit both of your fears of failure OR mention “if we fail it’s ok, I just want to try. The journey of just trying with you is enough, I don’t need anything more, let’s not worry about the end result…”}

    THE reason people don’t work on their sex live is FEAR OF FAILURE: what if it really can’t get better? Speak this fear out loud to take its power away. {Note: Fear of not having an orgasm is often what prevents people from seeking physical intimacy. Remember the orgasm is not the point, the time spent & the closeness is the point}

    Approach this subject with care & subtly as sex is a touchy subject & easy to hurt feelings accidentally. Find professionals to help you, you shouldn’t have to do this alone. Also realize it’s absolutely normal to need sex “tune-ups” during marriage, the only people who don’t are those who are too afraid to discuss the subject of sex with their partner.

    Reasons women don’t want sex or don’t get pleasure from sex:
    (1)They just don’t know how to receive pleasure (it’s easier for me to give than receive)
    (2) Sometimes women need something that they think is “weird” to put them in the mood & don’t know how to share this w/ their partner (and often even don’t know how to say it to themselves) FOr me, my highest need is emotional safety. A cutting remark early in the day may make enjoying having sex that night impossible for me. It may even make me lose interest in having sex for a week or even more. I always have trouble articulating this to my partners b/c I think I”m being weird or i shouldn’t need this, but alas, the trouble is there whether i name it or not!
    (3) They literally don’t know what they want or like or where to start

    Emotional vulnerability- especially from a man- turns me on & catches me off guard every time. I’m telling you this b/c this is true for a lot of women, possibly your wife too. It’s VERY important for me to be able to even enjoy sex to feel that you want sex WITH ME because you want to CONNECT with ME because you find ME desirable. Not that your dick needs a pussy just so you can come…catch my drift? Make sure she never feels that you want to use her (unless, who knows, you find out she’s into that, than enjoy!) & remember lots of women are conditioned to think sex is “dirty” and “bad” while men grow up being taught that it’s “natural” & “awesome.” It’s easier for me to think of it as making love, not fucking. I’m incapable of fucking but make love to me & I’m yours.

    Common Formula to be applied to the Female Sex:
    EMOTIONAL SAFETY + PHYSICAL COMFORT = HORNY

    I can relate to your wife. I’m in the 1st stable relationship of my life, a relationship that makes me fantasize about growing old & getting married.FIRST relationship of my life that has had that effect on me. We are coming up on our 2 year anniversary and have only had sex a few times. Only 1x did I have an orgasm & I’m unsure if she has ever had one. Sex is hard, and especially hard when you want to have phenomenal sex with 1 person there s even more pressure on it. So much easier to have sex with someone you don’t care about bc who cares if its awful?

    ANOTHER IDEA IF SEX IS TOO INTIMIDATING OF A PLACE TO START: Change your thinking. Take sex off the table (in your head) for a while. Decide to commit time exploring physical intimacy & boundaries with your wife WITHOUT expecting that it lead to sex. Decide to touch your wife out of affection so many times a day. Rub her shoulders for 2-3 minutes while she does dishes, kiss the back of her neck or her cheek or a place you usually don’t kiss, during an intimate moment in public pretend your hand is ‘accidentally’ sliding to her ass but gentleman that you are you keep reminding it to stay up, touch her arm, touch her stomach, touch her waist, touch her ear, open a car door, add little splashes of physical intimacy until it’s 2nd nature for her to be touched daily by you.

    Sooner before later you’ll learn what turns her on & what turns her off. Soon you’ll be taking pleasure in turning her on, in little doses throughout the day, without her even knowing it’s a conscious effort! Paying attention to these little signals will teach you how to read her pleasure when she can’t read her own.

    Women are like rubicks cubes when it comes to sex: complicated. So this “study time” will come in reeeeeeeeeally handy when you guys do get around to the sex finally ( I foresee it taking you a couple months at best & at worst 1 year to get to this point).

    Take classes or read about how to give oral pleasure to women. It is often easier for women to reach climax via oral sex than via intercourse. Once you get her comfortable with orgasms in other ways, it will gradually become easier for her to climax during intercourse. DON’T WORRY if intercourse is bad or awkward: it’s simply an opportunity to explore other ways to give each other pleasure . Oral Sex Tips: small, repetitive circles drawn by your tongue in the right place, repetitive lines drawn by tongue, experiment with making your tongue flacid instead of rigid (like use your neck for the muscle & let your tongue be bendy): soft & slow is the best way to give a woman head, almost always men overpower us & it becomes unpleasantly hard. The pussy is a delicate girl & highly sensitive, tongue entering the pussy unexpectedly is another nice trick that might elicit a moan, or put 1-2 of your fingers inside her while you lick her clit (always start w 1 finger and work up to 2 possibly 3-4 if she likes it but 3-4 hurts for many women. Simulate the width of your dick with your fingers so she gets used to enjoying the size) BUT ALWAYS remember to focus on clitoris mainly when giving head

    *This is foreplay. Basically, I’m telling you to explore foreplay with your wife without having any expectation for that foreplay to lead to sex. Why? Because women !) need to be touched on a regular basis WITHOUT that touch requiring that they perform sexually. 2) Get you used to being on a woman’s schedule when it comes to foreplay. for women foreplay doesn’t star in the bedroom it starts hours even days even weeks before. Taking out the garbage can be foreplay. A flower for no reason can be foreplay. A note that says “I love my wife!!” slipped into her purse for her to discover. Have your intention be “giving her pleasure” 3) Cause your wife to unconsciously start thinking of you in a physical/sexual way.

    You 2 have some mind blowing fucking in your future!! g’luck!

  2. Crystal Says:

    Hey thank you for the tips. After reading your comment I think I will try few of your tips. The thought of it all really is hot.

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