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Rape after rape made me numb

When I was 12 years old I was raped by a friend of a friend. I don’t remember how I dealt with it or felt about it but I remember a lot of anger and helplessness. I grew up in Wisconsin and when this happened I never told anyone about it. I tried to hide the incident within me. However, when I turned 19 I was raped by a guy I went on date with someone I met online. This affected me in many ways. Now 30 years old my boyfriend’s brother raped me at their house while my boyfriend was out of town. I was upset at first but as time went on it all seemed alright, I lack the ability to be upset or really feel anything about it. I am not angry at his brother at all. I don’t know why I don’t feel anything! I should be angry, I should be devastated, but I am not!

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