Feels like I was raped by my husband
I have been married to my husband for 3 years, have a beautiful girl together, living in Victoria, and my secret is that my husband raped me, or at least that is how I feel. He took advantage of me and, despite my protests, raped me. I stared at the ceiling while he held me down and prayed for it to be over. I don’t know why but that night we were fooling around after our daughter went to bed. All of a sudden I just didn’t want to do anything. I know I lead him onto it but still I thought he would stop when I said no. I haven’t told anyone about this till now. I don’t have any friends because I moved here from Vanderhoof with my husband. I left all my friends and family back there and no one to talk about this. A lot of people have asked, if I’d ever been abused or taken advantage of sexually and I can’t bring myself to admit that I have been raped by my husband. I want so badly to believe that I am one of those women who’d never been raped or abused. Just now I’m realizing how much it affects me all the time. I can’t concentrate. I don’t feel anything for my husband but I used to love him with my life. I don’t even know if this is rape or not. A part of me thinks it’s not the other part thinks it is. I tried to tell myself that he is my husband, so he had the right, but I feel like he took something I can’t get back. I can’t bring myself to admit that he had that power over me. I wish I could come to at peace with it. It may lead us to divorce. He did apologize about it after but still that is not enough. We had full-filling sex after the incident too but still that incident really messes me up.
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