My secret is that I regret paying for sex. It seemed so convenient and easy. Send an email or call a number to book an appointment and that’s all I needed. I got what I wanted and walk away feeling satisfied. For some reasons I felt dirty and cheap. I kept coming back to it because I felt that I gained power every time I would have sex with someone new. I would think in the back of my head, “Whore, do you like it?” Now I realize I was not satisfied with my life and looked outside instead of inside for comfort and happiness. I was trapped in my marriage. Now that I look back I regret for what I have done. I should have left sooner. I should have listened to everyone else instead of myself. Everyone told me she was not right for you and that we were not compatible but I loved her and wanted to be with her. I thought one more chance will change it, one more chance turned into 2 chances then three and it kept growing. I thought once more chances will change her, what I didn’t realize was that some women never change! I am divorced now and found someone new. I now know what I was missing because she is showing me everything that I never knew existed! Live is a new adventure now but yet I regret my behavior and paying for sex.

My secret is I regret cheating on my husband. We met 6 years ago and I was still dealing with an ex boyfriend. That relationship was the first long term relationship I had. It was hard to deal with. I was vulnerable but it is no excuse to cheat on my husband with my ex. It will be 4 years of marriage in June. The sad thing about it is that I would always try to justify it by saying to myself that if my ex got his act together, I would leave my husband, I was vulnerable and I did it without knowing what I was doing. It was crazy for me because I never cheated on anyone before. We live in a small town of Prince George and it is scary small. Everyone seems to know everyone so if it indeed gets out in public that will be devastating for our friends and family. I was actually the one that got cheated on and I left the person who cheated as soon as I was able to. Every time the two men (my husband and ex) were in the same room I would be so neutral. Yes they are friends. As I said, Prince George is a small town and my ex now lives in Calgary. When he would come to town he would hang out with my husband for a beer or two. My husband felt a vibe in the room and he would ask me if everything was ok. Each time he asked I would deny anything wrong. Something told me that he knew but I was ignoring it fearing what he might do. I guess for me I never thought the relationship would last. He lives in another province in Alberta (Calgary) and travelled into town on the special occasions to meet his family. He talked about breaking up every two weeks over the text or phones and I would get so frustrated and I guess part of me felt like my behavior was warranted. My husband eventually found out through my sister. Well my husband immediately wanted a divorce, which I could understand. We are still married but the past year has been very difficult on both of us. His forgiveness is very hard to get but I know he still loves me. There are days when I feel like I am on trial and it can be so hard. I truly believe it’s his love that is keeping us together still. If it was me I would have left right away, but he is still with me. I wish I could take it all back or have never done anything like this to hurt him. I regret every bit of it now.

We are talking about renewing our vows.

My biggest fear is coming true; I’m afraid I’ll never be happy again, cause I know I’ll only have second best. I lost the one and only person I’ve had strong feelings for. I can’t stop missing you; I feel stupid and worthless missing you and actually caring. I’m sorry I can’t walk away, not that I’d ever let you know. I don’t know what this feeling is, but I sometimes wish I never met you because you have me believing that you’re so much more than human. I want to hate you. But I know that’s not what I feel. I’m young, but I’m messed up and all wrong, and it’s all because of you.

My secret is that I regret not having children when I was younger. I was always so focused on my career that I lost focus on life. I grew up in Prince George, then moved to Victoria, then came back to Lillooet, and now in Prince George again. My career was more important, no man was ever right for me? Or I couldn’t see myself raising a family with them. Now on lonely evenings I reflect on my life. I don’t know why I waited to get this old and think about being a mother. I know I could adopt, but I want to experience pregnancy and childbirth! My husband does not want any more children because he has 2 from a previous relationship who are all grown up. He wants us to just relax and just enjoy the peace and quietness of the house and life! I just wonder from what noise I should be escaping from. I have never had the crying baby, or a loud toddler. I will be 48 soon I regret waiting for no good reason to have children of my own. I regret I will never have some grandchildren of my own. I regret I would never go out to the Fort George Park with my grandchildren. I regret I will never drive them to school or go to their school plays. Now it is too late.

I regret not completing my undergrad education. I was a student at the University of British Columbia. My parents paid for everything, but instead of studying, I was too busy partying. Now I realize how important having a degree is, especially now that I am looking to change careers. Most employers want no less than a bachelor’s degree. If I knew then what I know now, my life would be so different now. I’m a forty two year old competing with 22 year olds who have graduate degrees. I am stuck with my high school diploma.